Groucho Marx Quotes

What have future generations ever done for us?

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I won’t belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can’t make head nor tail out of it.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.

There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.