Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy Quotes by Douglas Adams, Mark Twain and many others.

God’s Final Message to His Creation: ‘We apologize for the inconvenience.
“What’s up?” “I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been there.”
Ford… you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.
Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
I’d far rather be happy than right any day.
Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still know where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Could be. I’m a pretty dangerous dude when I’m cornered.” “Yeah,” said the voice from under the table, “you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel.
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.